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- the first cow ever milked
@ConorTripler: this website is absolutely destroying me
@RocketRankoon: "What time is it?"
*pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away*
*Still has no idea what time it is*
@EndhooS: [Calls boss]
I won't be in today
[camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car]
I've got the shits.
@WilliamRodgers: My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags!
What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???