@jake_lach: Umm Adele, have you tried texting?
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@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.
@Gre_Gone: [Entire house is full of trees] Girlfriend: What did you do?! Me: You told me to spruce things up. GF: Everything's stuck to everything!!!
@unravelingfire: Him: You're sexy as hell. Her: I'm an atheist. Him: You're sexy as vast abysmal and empty nothingness. Her: Awwwww, thank you.
@Roweboat13G: *boss stops meeting* Mike, is there something you'ld like to share with the whole group? Me: Nooooo, that's why I whispered it to Alan.