@jake_lach: Umm Adele, have you tried texting?
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@AimeeHelene1: Me: I just want to be the hat girl at the gym. Them: You mean hot girl? Me: *on treadmill* *wearing a ski mask, beret, and cowboy hat* No.
@Brampersandon_: I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much.
@BadJordon: ME [struggling]: skinny jeans, skinny jeans, let me in SCARED DENIM: don't come back till you're thinny, thin, thin
@MaverickGames: Life would be simpler if you were notified when you were added to lists IRL. "Your crush" has added you to list "Friend Zone".