@WilliamAder: Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp.
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@timdonakowski: Butterflies have 1,200 eyes. That means they spend 7 months taking out their contacts every night.
@24HourBitching: Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
@DurtMcHurtt: The guy I cheat off moved seats before today's spelling test, like he's teaching me some kind of lessen.