@bencoffeehall: Unappreciated diet tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's important to start out really fat.
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@DevilryFun: Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?
@tylerschmall: "Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria." "What's Updog?" "[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati
@errhmagerd: I'm in an abusive relationship. controlling, manipulative, overbearing, demanding. it's for his own good.
@detroit_et: Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It's been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend