@SirEviscerate: Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Therapist: U need some tools to cope with ur anger Me: Like a sledgehammer? T: No. More like breathing- M: Fire? Can u make me breathe fire?
@Dee_Aye_Bee: *getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here.
@Swain_Train47: Bernie Sanders was going to do a parody of Trump's slogan for his campaign but "Make America Bern Again" didn't go over well with marketing.
@marinhubka: You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*