@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
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@DaddyBeerGuy: Hey dude, there's 10 empty urinals in here no need to stand right next to... And now he's talking to me! Someone call 911!
@VenisVal: Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait? Boss: Today!
@UncleDuke1969: Receptionist: "That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose." Plastic Surgeon: "Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."
@SamGrittner: *goes to pond* *duck hands me $100* "Give me the hard stuff." *hands over bag of croutons*