@YoungNobler: Underwear isn’t protecting you from your pants. It’s protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered.
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@Sickayduh: Hey girl are you a Sony Pictures movie because I wanna [end of joke redacted due to foreign pressure]
@Social_Mime: Me - That's the second First Baptist Church I've seen today. Wife - OK? M - One of them is lying. W - You can't ever shut it off can you?
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@80want: inexplicably call ur boss "shortpants" until he gets insecure & buys pants that are longer. dont stop til he looks like a kid in dad clothes