@YoungNobler: Underwear isn’t protecting you from your pants. It’s protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered.
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@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.
@Elizasoul80: [At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? "Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."
@MountainDouche: If cops can drive undercover cars, we should be able to drive cop cars. It's only fair.