@Mickey_McCauley: Unfaithful Russian men come home to find all their stuff in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box on the sidewalk.
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@DamienFahey: If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
@flashember: JUDGE: That THING cannot enter ME: But Inky is my pet OCTOPUS IN AN ASTRONAUT'S HELMET FILLED WITH WATER:*squirts ink at him* INKY NOOOOo
@novicefather: My neighbor and I are really close. We call each other things like bro, man, dude, boss... We don't know each other's name.
@joejwest: ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]