@Nikkeya08: Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn't fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch.
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@JohnHilsen: My "friend" Adam gave me an electric toothbrush for my birthday. Completely unnecessary. My gas-powered toothbrush still runs fine, "Adam."
@YourTumblrFeed: Psychic: reads my mind My mind: waelcome to my kitchennnnnn…. We have bananis…… And avocadi
@markydoodoo: *swirling Gatorade in a wine glass* Ah yes, the sportings, I have perused that endeavor. The throwing, the goalings, I love it all.
@KatieBurnett: Never seen anyone in Nandos or McDonald's pick up an appropriate amount of napkins - you're cleaning up after a burger not a double homicide