@Nikkeya08: Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn't fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch.
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@hazelmotes1: Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry
@thejessbess: A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with "treats" so he stays interested.
@AndyAsAdjective: [checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day
@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?