@samfromks: I never touch baby carrots because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.

@Lisa_Laughs_: You know who brings a knife to a gun fight? Cannibals. And also a fork.

@jonnysun: so im jus chilig on a ledge premtendig to be gargoyle when these firemen show up tellig me dont jump but they got a big trampoline so idk

@saucy_peaches: Had a talk with 12. M: Do you know what a period is? 12: Yes, mom, it's the dot at the end of the sentence. M: ... 12: ... M: Good talk

@C00LpenNAME: 12yo daughter: *SCREAMS* Me: WHAT?! 12yo: A spider! Me: It’s just a spider 12yo: I don’t want it to bite me! Me: You’ll never be a super hero w/that attitude