@MelKassel: The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like "What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me"?

@david8hughes: Her ankles were strong & sturdy, keeping her feet attached to her legs at all times. She had the eyebrows of a livid mechanic.

@murrman5: [waiting with friend for his test results] "I'm nervous" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*

@itsdivbaby: when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, "yeaa...at the grocery store."

@Parkerlawyer: I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine.