@ItsAndyRyan: Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month.
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@bourgeoisalien: At what point in listening to your kid whine can you say, "Sorry. This relationship isn't working out. You should start seeing other moms."
@TGIJeff: When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water
@Be___Dope: Her: baby can you come up here and play with me? Me: *sprints up stairs Her: I'm kidding. Can you hand me the remote? Me: this is so us