@ThingsJackDigs: Barista: got a latte for “Batman”! Is there a “Batman” here?
*everyone looks at me*
Me [dressed as Batman]: that's not me, my name is Jack
@Home_Halfway: I always have a nightlight on when I go to bed in case someone breaks in and wants to see how cute I look when I'm sleeping.
@dreamthievin: ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
@motrboatr: Thanks, but it's spelled "sexiest", not "sexist". Stupid woman.
@ComedicBust: MECHANIC: looks like it’s the transmission. It’s going to cost 5 grand.
ME: [hiking up my pants, pretending I know what I’m talking about] Sure it’s not the ol’ mcgriddle?
MECHANIC: the McDonalds breakfast sandwich?
ME: Debit or credit?
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