@better_off_dad: United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
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@kwirkyKerri: You said you wanted a video of me eating a banana. Nothing about me not slicing it. YOU'RE WELCOME.
@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
@LaniBeno: I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?
@SinfulShelly: I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. "I'm not a clown!" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest.