@feelmesucka: Unless you and your family were attacked by Bigfoot, then no, I don't want to see your camping pictures.
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@ShitJokes: My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I’m going to save so much money on college.
@hippieswordfish: lobster christian grey: 'my tastes are very.....singular' *opens closet door revealing hundreds of rubber bands*
@SlipperySecret: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. ...because I don't have time to get arrested today.