@ThisOneSayz: Unless you have stellar reflexes, throwing a bouncy ball at your spouse during an argument is not the best choice.
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@SeinfeldToday: George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:”It’s too desperate.” J:”How’d you find out?” G:”I’m on both."
@pleatedjeans: A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU'RE NOT THERE THAT'S RIGHT AMY I KNOW
@myles_morrison: Kids having the best time ever sound exactly the same as kids being axe-murdered.
@brideylee: On the list of things I fear the most, "death" comes in as a close second to "audience participation"