@BritXNic: Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together.
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@fro_vo: I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I'm... lacktoes intolerant *opens another beer*
@JimmerThatisAll: The most important thing I teach my guitar students is never sing Brown Eyed Girl to a green eyed woman.
@Bedlam_Beersie: Jesus: ... when you saw only one set of footprints, that's when I was carrying you. Me: What about that spot with lots of footprints? Jesus: I didn't want to alarm you, but I did also fight some ninjas who were stalking us.
@daemonic3: "Hi, how much for a slice of pizza?" A slice is $2.50, and second slice only $1. "I'd like 3 second slices please"