@MarcusTheToken: Unless you're a direct descendent of a horse, don't chew with your mouth open.
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@PostCultRev: MY 6YO SON: We're on Earth, where outer space can't find us. It wants to kill us, so we hide out here. ME: [terrified] Eat your cereal, kiddo
@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
@Mikecanrant: 1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia