@TheWhaleFacts: Unlike a Caterpillar, a whale won't turn into a beautiful butterfly.
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@HousewifeOfHell: A guest dropped by my dirty house on short notice today, so I put cleaning supplies out all over the place. They were just for show.
@TheDreamGhoul: [inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
@envydatropic: My family was totally confused tonight because there's a candle lit that smells like a cake is baking without burning I don't do that
@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: You need to text faster Me: Not sure what you just sent. I'm still working on the texts from 3 weeks ago