@TheWhaleFacts: Unlike a Caterpillar, a whale won't turn into a beautiful butterfly.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently saying, "Oh, I just came to watch" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.
@qwertying: Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Friends: "No thanks." Enemies: "Also no thanks."