@MikeSchism: unlike drugs, twitter addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyAsAdjective: *pauses Airwolf on the VCR* *sets wine cooler down on the coffee table* *turns to her* ME: what do you mean this isn't working out?
@iGreenMonk: I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !
@mrtruthandsoul: *breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@Quartzjixler: A mother bear defending her cubs but it's me defending the fresh pan of bacon from other hotel guests at the breakfast buffet.