@BoomBoomBetty: Unlike the sons, the Mumford daughters all married at young ages just for the chance to change their names and hide their unfortunate family history of angry banjo playing.
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@AllieGoertz: I asked my waitress if she thought me eating alone was embarrassing and she said, "I work at Cheesecake Factory"
@nyquills: God: have a seat it may take a while to explain what you do. Sloth: God: Sloth: God: Sloth: God: Sloth: God: Sloth: God: Sloth: *begins moving towards chair* God: okay actually you got it have fun on earth.
@AllanCresswell: Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep.