@SexySpainNights: *Unplugs your smart car to charge phone
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@TravLeBlanc: I'm working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.
@Vodkantots: [on first date] Him: What's your sign? Me: Vertigo Him: You mean Virgo? Me: I mean your stupid fucking questions are making me dizzy.
@envydatropic: I print everything at work because I'm not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home