@SexySpainNights: *Unplugs your smart car to charge phone
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@bingowings14: I'm just a boy, standing in front of a printer wondering if he forgot to press something.
@WheelTod: [Lab] Chief scientist:What the hell are you wearing?! Me (Dressed as Liberace): I thought you said we'd be mapping the genome in sequins
@Florescience: *At funeral* "Your Mom is so fat" I said eulogy, not roast. "oh right, I'm sorry. Your mom WAS so fat..."
@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: maybe we can teach this planet the secrets of the universe *sees me trying to get pringles from the middle of the can* ALIEN: or not