@Donna_McCoy: Until I got married I didn't even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly.
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@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*
@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
@House_Feminist: (Man hobbles into grocery store using a cane) 5: HEY MOM THAT MAN IS USING A WALKING STICK BC HIS BONES AREN'T STRONG & HE'LL DIE SOON RIGHT
@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.