@o__0Dev: Until public restrooms have automatic doors, the automatic sinks, soap and paper towel dispenser will make no sense to me.
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@LizHackett: Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them.
@qwertying: Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
@abbycohenwl: Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party! Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doc:Which brings me to the bad news
@CynthiaJEllis: News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch.