@Fickle_Filly: Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
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@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
@iGreenMonk: Go to work tomorrow with a new attitude. Be positive! Communicate! Hide when real work comes!
@NoticablyBacon: Accidentally just told a girl that "she has a nice head" because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer