@Fickle_Filly: Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
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@volks__: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...
@_sanshandle: I'm not an animal expert but feeding your pet chimp Chinese food doesn't seem right. Then again, neither does owning a pet chimp.
@JermHimselfish: If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it's horn in my mouth.
@SortaBad: me: [trying to sound cool] I'm in a punk band cute co-worker: that's cool. What the band's name? me: [looking over desk for ideas] Inbox(29)