@AminaMarx: update: the light went out in my fridge so i had to eat everything so it wouldn't get scared
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@BuckyIsotope: FROM: Harvard SUBJ: Your PhD application We are unable to accept you at this time as "Teaching Squirrels Karate" is too cool for us.
@dsmitty62: Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!
@dubstep4dads: if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.