@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
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@Sassafrantz: [first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.
@Scdavis24: Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
@vineyille: Rob thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on *to copilot* STOP CRYING, ROB WILL HELP
@BarebakAssassin: Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems.