@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
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@Chumpstring: BARTENDER: taste this beer ME: [tastes it] omg i literally can't even BARTENDER: it has pumpkin spice in it ME: hmm... yeah that explains it
@bobvulfov: [GOP debate] JOHN KASICH: my dad was a mailman so i understand our nation's struggles MODERATOR: what how JK: i went through everyone's mail
@VerifiedJayy: How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?