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@OverlyManlyMF: Uppercuts a horse. Creates the first girrafe.
@HiddenPinky: "Nice one."
- me to my son, who is just learning to write numbers
@DilapidatedDino: This whole time I thought 50 Shades of Grey was a coloring book for dogs
@HumanPog: one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
@IHPower: [in Starbucks]
"It's Ian with one i".
"We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye".
@Ideal_Victoria: Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!