@badbanana: URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY "NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY" PLEASE SAY YES.
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@panmidwest: ME: it's spelled "kevin" but pronounced "kev-a-vin" INTERVIEWER: you're fired ME: you haven't even hired me yet INTERVIEWER: you're fired
@NakedHangover: Yelling "shotgun" when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office.
@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
@Tups13: There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it.