@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.
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@Aman93deep: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@JackeeHarry: It's going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I've got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour..
@WheelTod: [First Date] Her: Sorry, but your profile pic was misleading. Oatmeal Raisin Cookie: I never *said* this was chocolate. You just *assumed*
@ericsshadow: Interview: "What's your greatest weakness?" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?