@dshack8: Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.
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@novicefather: I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Sarah McLachlan. Will I murder you? Will I adopt a puppy with you? You don't know.
@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts. Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here
@MandiAtRandom: I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm basically some form of permanently exhausted pigeon