@SocialMediaLia: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
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@jackiembouvier: Thank you, baby Jesus for helping my favorite sports team instead of saving people from a tsunami. You must really love baseball.
@Owl_Meat: [Next door dog barking] Me: *inserts earpugs* [Barking intensifies] Me: wtf................haha oh *removes earpugs and inserts earplugs*
@WilliamAder: Whenever someone jokingly replies, "Blocked," I laugh and laugh and then go check.