@SocialMediaLia: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
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@torrami: An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history.
@buseysteeth: You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
@pleatedjeans: [couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT