@Shot_Of_Cabo: "Use the forceps, Luke!" - Obi Gyn Kenobi
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@psybermonkey: Genie: You get one wish. Me: I wish I had more twitter followers. Genie: Done. *vanishes* *Checks phone* Genie is now following you.
@StayNobody: *Sees son doing homework* What u doing? "Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u
@HuajatollaChic: At least dogs look at you when you're talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I'd talk to you, but I'm a dog.