@WilliamAder: Used way too much moisturizer and I may have to call in slick tomorrow.
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@Token_Geezer: Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Welcome to McDonalds sir, may I take your order? Me: *hands her a shovel with mouth agape* ALL. THE. FRIES.
@clyderun: The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit.
@TheTimmyToes: [JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) "where is he?" *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*