@WilliamAder: Used way too much moisturizer and I may have to call in slick tomorrow.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot
@astutenewf: I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh.
@tayandmae: U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good
@RobElliottComic: Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain