@Wtftab: Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight.
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@ArfMeasures: *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid DOCTOR: You mean constipated ME: No I've had a vowel movement DOCTOR: Get out
@UniqueDude2: WAITER: Your honor, when I said "enjoy your meal" he said "you too" ME: it was a mistake JUDGE: he gets half your meal W: thanks J: you too
@coIIegestudentz: College parties are great: You're taking shots with future doctors and the next Supreme Court judge is throwing up in the bathroom.
@BuckyIsotope: ME: who's a good boy *kissy noises* DOG: I just murdered the cat ME: you are, yes you are *rubs dog's head* DOG: you're next buddy