@Wtftab: Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight.
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@ArfMeasures: *sees "The customer is always right" sign* *the waiter sees me looking at it and mouths "not you"*
@dlockw21: I saw a bald eagle carry away a bunny rabbit today, and I was like, "well, at least somebody gets to be held."
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory
@EJGomez: judge: any last comments? me: i request to die by electric chair judge: ur here for a speeding ticket me: my request still stands