Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheCatWhisprer's best tweets

@TheCatWhisprer : They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year.

@megalot_: Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so

@iwearaonesie: [on the phone]
wife: My mom tripped over the dog
me: Is she ok?
wife: Yeah
me: Can I talk to her?
wife: Sure *calls for the dog*

@LnL245: I'm in awe of people who can pronounce camaraderie correctly the first, second or tenth time.

@MUMSIEesq: My husband went camping w/ his buddies. He packed a hatchet, 2 liters of Jack & a 3yo's Hello Kitty sleeping bag. He's gonna die out there.

@Playing_Dad: Coworker: How are you doing this morning?
Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you?

@TheAlexNevil: Read a magazine at the doctor's office so I'm all caught up on Clinton running for president. I don't think Bush can beat him.

@semple42: Don't think I won't spin around and French kiss you if you're standing too close to me in line at the liquor store.

@DrDumbDum: You wouldn't know her. She goes to a different Internet