Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OctopusCaveman's best tweets

@OctopusCaveman : Jesus: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

Skeletor: *throws stone*

Jesus: HEY!

Skeletor: I’m sorry. Did you say “skin” or “sin?” I don’t have ears.

@djdarrellripley: Her: Hey, I was just thinking about you.

Me: Isn’t it fun?

@AndrewsNotFunny: Him: dude I love clubs, they're great for picking up chicks

Me *nodding thoughtfully* girls love sandwiches

@CAshmanActor: HER: I’m breaking up with you..

ME: Is it because W e A re I N a Bl a k H o l e ?
C ¡ !
E R: Y
e S
! ! ! !

@Addison_Peacock: Hello today a woman got huffy with me because she didn’t know sabertooth cats were extinct and expected the museum to have a live one on display

@TheOnion: CDC Recommends Also Wearing Face Mask On Back Of Head In Case Coronavirus Attacks From Rear

@markedly: When you find out your hotel has a waffle bar.

@jessokfine: My hobbies include knitting and leaving one star reviews on recipes when I used different ingredients and different techniqes and it turned out gross.

@avainwordland: I screamed into the void and the void threw a toaster at me.

@747boozybri: Just remember when the conversation gets shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else.