Funny Tweeter

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Page of AbleLikes's best tweets

@AbleLikes : dieting would be a lot easier if refrigerators startled you with front facing cameras from time to time

@TheBoydP: STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!

We will we will drink you

STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!

*pours vodka after bad day*

@karanbirtinna: (First date)

Her: I like men who take charge.

Me: *trying to impress her* *shoves finger into electric socket*

@Mardigroan: My younger daughter has been in her bedroom looking at screens the last three years and I have forgotten her first name.

@jennnjennnm: if you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock

thats humerus

no, I’m not sorry

@ddsmidt: Hubs: Hey, was that tweet about me?

M: No, they're never about people I know.

*writes another tweet about him*

@CAshmanActor: interviewer: what was your last job

me: health angel

interviewer: oh so you worked at like a spa

me: no thilly, I drove a motorthycle

@Vodkantots: Give your hair sexy volume by showering with a toaster.

@kimtopher22: You know that song "Happy" by Pharrell? That's how annoying I am.

@SnarkyMommy78: Me: *annoyed that 3yo never wants to get in the bath and then never wants to get out of bath*

Also me: *procrastinates getting in the shower because comfy and lazy and then doesn’t want to get out of the shower because comfy and lazy*