Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of 13spencer's best tweets

@13spencer : Toys 'R Us pulled Breaking Bad figures because the characters sold drugs, but continue to sell Darth Vader ones, and he blew up a planet.

@13spencer: A hot girl in the hallway just smiled at me, but don't worry; I yelled "I'm taken," and ran into the men's bathroom where she can't follow.

@13spencer: “If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you-“

*interrupting* haha, he said prick

@13spencer: A dashcam video of a cop lip-syncing and dancing to a Taylor Swift song went viral, which is just one more reason to hate the police.

@13spencer: Kevin Hart said that he has turned down roles because the characters were gay, which is weird because I didn't think he knew the word "no."

@13spencer: I just found out that "Birdman" has nothing to do with Hawkeye, and now I want to see it.

@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."

@13spencer: To be fair, "old-fashioned" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist.

@13spencer: I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.

@13spencer: [Airport Bar]
Me: I'll have a beer, please.
Bartender: That'll be $45.
Me: Worth it.