Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : "I think this cereal has gone bad." *me drunk, eating Meow Mix*

@3sunzzz: [interview at Bass Pro Shops]

So, tell me a little about yourself.

Me: *dressed in camouflage* Wait, you can see me?!

@3sunzzz: [fire]

EVERYONE REMAIN CALM.
Use the stairs.
DO NOT use the elevators.

We're on the 12th floor...
*sigh*
I guess I'm dying in a fire.

@3sunzzz: Me: Put on your seatbelt.

13: Do I have to?

Me: not if you want your face shattering the windshield

13: cool

Me: PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT!

@3sunzzz: H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one.

Me:

H: Oh, and it came with this 75" television.

@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.

@3sunzzz: Me: Did you finish the banana bread?

16: yep

Me: Great, because it was actually a healthy zucchini bread.

16: THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF LIES!

@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year!

Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.

@3sunzzz: [text]

H: I'm at Lowes, how wide is the door frame?

M: I measured, it's 35 and then 3 little lines after a big long line.

@3sunzzz: A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it's fun to push things down the stairs.