Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : Me: I lost 13 pounds. Also Me: I'm going to celebrate with cake!

@3sunzzz: Justify your alcoholism by having children.

@3sunzzz: It takes my husband longer to choose a rental car online than it did for us to choose the names for our sons.

@3sunzzz: I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don't need a hedgehog. Long story short, we're picking it up on Thursday.

@3sunzzz: My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.

@3sunzzz: A shoutout to the jackass that stole my ATM card. I hope you enjoy your $3.62.

@3sunzzz: I just checked Amazon again and they still don't sell fire-breathing dragons. I'm a Prime member, this is bullshit.

@3sunzzz: As I sit in this coffee shop practicing for my Sign Language final it occurs to me, all of these people probably think that I'm talking to myself.

@3sunzzz: "I think this ice cream is spoiled."
*me drunk, eating mayonnaise*

@3sunzzz: My mom: Easter is at noon on Sunday.

Me: I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure Easter is all day.