@3sunzzz: 13: I found a baggie of pot.
M: *takes it* Thank you, bringing it to an adult was the right thing to do. Now go outside and play for 3 hrs.
@3sunzzz: My husband has texted me 12 times from the grocery store with questions. He's only made it to aisle 4. Pray for me.
@3sunzzz: [little old lady struggling to pick up her bag of library books off the floor]
Me: [walking by]
"It's easier if you lift with your legs."
@3sunzzz: H: I'm going to fix our washer myself.
M: Okay, I'm going to Lowe's to pick out our new washer.
@3sunzzz: [traffic stop]
Officer: Ma'am, why didn't you pull over as soon as I flashed my lights?
Me: Oh, I can't see a thing without my glasses.
@3sunzzz: I am a mother, of course I talk to myself. I am the only one in this house that listens.
@3sunzzz: If your name is Candy you shouldn't be allowed to work at a weight loss clinic. It just seems cruel.
@3sunzzz: M: The boss left a memo on my desk again about how awesome I am.
H: You're a stay-at-home mom.
M: Yes, which explains my handwriting.
@3sunzzz: No thank you free mattress on the side of the road, I prefer to get my crabs the old fashioned way, by sleeping with complete strangers.