Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ADDiane's best tweets

@ADDiane : Imagine being a medium and having to talk to dead people as well as living people. That's too many people.

@ADDiane: I try to compartmentalize, but then I remember that's how they built the titanic.

@ADDiane: [Looking out the window]

Me: I don't understand this show.

@ADDiane: Cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: yeah I do but sad news buddy, I'm married

@ADDiane: [the middle of showering] I need a break

@ADDiane: Don't let people tell you that you can't give up. You totally can. I do it all the time.

@ADDiane: Moses was technically the first person to download files to his tablet from the cloud.

@ADDiane: I don't like revenge. Just one venge is enough.

@ADDiane: Hormones are cool if you like crying during dog food commercials.

@ADDiane: The idea is to just keep scrolling on your phone until you die.