Funny Tweeter

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Page of AHundredElbows's best tweets

@AHundredElbows : Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.

@AHundredElbows: "We just want to find someone who will-"

*sly grin* -Finish our sentences?

"Exactly."

-death row inmates

@AHundredElbows: [at pet store]

"This tortoise's shell keeps going soft. Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, it happens. It's just a reptile dysfunction."

@AHundredElbows: [home late]
Where were you?
"Uh, with my.. gf?"
Gf? Well, tell us about her! What's her name?
[commercial on tv] uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota