@AHundredElbows: "We just want to find someone who will-"
*sly grin* -Finish our sentences?
-death row inmates
@AHundredElbows: [at pet store]
"This tortoise's shell keeps going soft. Am I doing something wrong?"
"No, it happens. It's just a reptile dysfunction."
@AHundredElbows: [home late]
Where were you?
"Uh, with my.. gf?"
Gf? Well, tell us about her! What's her name?
[commercial on tv] uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota