Funny Tweeter

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Page of AbbyHasIssues's best tweets

@AbbyHasIssues : Sorry, package of toilet paper. I'm only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you're sleeping in the car tonight.

@AbbyHasIssues: I like to take down Christmas decorations in stages. Right now in the stage where I sit on the couch with a cup of tea in denial that I need to take down the Christmas decorations.

@AbbyHasIssues: Age 21: Goes out for drinks after 9 PM and gets home at 2 AM.

Age 37: Has one tiny little sip of water after 8 PM and has to get up and pee three times before 2 AM.

@AbbyHasIssues: It turns out the answer to my problems wasn't at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

@AbbyHasIssues: Before coffee: Annoyed by everything.

After coffee: Annoyed by everything but with the energy to complain about it.

@AbbyHasIssues: The cashier told me to have a good holiday like my purchase of oven cleaner, cat treats, and hummus suggests anything else.

@AbbyHasIssues: Me at home: I want peace on earth and good will to men.

Me while grocery shopping: If one more idiot blocks the aisle, I'm going to run them over with my cart like grandma getting run over by a reindeer.

@AbbyHasIssues: It's cute how the grocery store cashier told me to have a great Thanksgiving like I won't be back to the store six more times in the next seven days.

@AbbyHasIssues: Age 17: I can't wait to travel the world!

Age 37: Feeling kind of adventurous. Might go to the "good" grocery store 15 miles away.

@AbbyHasIssues: Directions: Allow food to sit for five minutes before consuming.

Me: No.