@AbbyHasIssues: Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world.
Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
@AbbyHasIssues: Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.
@AbbyHasIssues: As a kid: I hope to one day cure diseases and be an Olympic swimmer.
Me as an adult: I hope to one day finish a bottle of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.
@AbbyHasIssues: Me: I hate math.
Also me: If I cut my shower down to three minutes and breakfast down to five, I can hit the nine-minute snooze three more times and only be five minutes late.
@AbbyHasIssues: Me at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?
Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.
@AbbyHasIssues: You can always count on me to bring my famous recipe of "bag of ice" to your summer cookout.
@AbbyHasIssues: Me: I'll take $1,600, Alex.
Alex Trebek: In which category?
Me: No question. I just need $1,600.
@AbbyHasIssues: Right now 36-year-old Meghan Markle is celebrating her marriage to a prince.
Right now 36-year-old me is celebrating the fact I found lasagna in the freezer.
Guess we're both living the dream