Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Adam14's best tweets

@Adam14 : Calling a girl "honey" is ok. Calling a girl "bee vomit" is not ok. I'm a relationship expert.

@Adam14: My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know.

@Adam14: Hey, people who don't properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips... what's it like eating spider eggs?

@Adam14: I heard that sadomasochistic vegans like to get beet and artichoked.

Some even like getting pead on.

Don't turnip your nose at this.

@Adam14: Her: I love it when we finish each other's

Him: pancakes

@Adam14: My wife's so square in bed she has cubic hair

@Adam14: I don't know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.

@Adam14: I still use the word "dude".

I don't give a dude.

I don't use it right, but I still dude it.

@Adam14: *wife looks through my phone

*divorces me 8 times

@Adam14: Me: What are you up to?

Her: I'm making Chinese.

Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.