Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AdamTheLobster's best tweets

@AdamTheLobster : Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right

@AdamTheLobster: This may be racist but whenever I have a test in class I try to get a seat next to a dolphin because they are usually really smart.

@AdamTheLobster: I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.

@AdamTheLobster: Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were "hella jellybeans" in the jar.

@AdamTheLobster: [In bed with gf]
"Do you have any fantasies?"
Yeah, one. You know your friend Sarah, the hot one?
"Yes.. why?"
I want to hit her with my car

@AdamTheLobster: "Where's my money?" - a loan shark
"Where are my friends? - alone shark