@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
@AdderallMomma: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
@AdderallMomma: I've been contemplating legally changing my name to 'An End', so that all good things must come to me.
@AdderallMomma: "I'll be black" the potato dramatically announced moments before going into Sarah Connor's freezer
@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me?
Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@AdderallMomma: *knocks on donation door
Me: I have a donation
Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man
Me: You have stupid rules!
@AdderallMomma: Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.
@AdderallMomma: My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom.