Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AddledPixie's best tweets

@AddledPixie : I hate it when I'm in a rage and suddenly remember I'm not wealthy so I can't hurl expensive bone china into the fireplace.

@AddledPixie: I've trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they're just shitting everywhere.

@AddledPixie: I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.

@AddledPixie: "Unhand me you cad!" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.

@AddledPixie: "Mommy, why does an old person's skin look so see-through?"

Aw, honey, it's just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.

@AddledPixie: Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this.