Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AimeeHelene1's best tweets

@AimeeHelene1 : Me: I just want to be the hat girl at the gym. Them: You mean hot girl? Me: *on treadmill* *wearing a ski mask, beret, and cowboy hat* No.

@AimeeHelene1: The best people always leave this Earth too soon...so I'm pretty sure I'm destined for immortality.

@AimeeHelene1: Them: Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you leave...

Me: *doing the limbo under the police tape at a crime scene*

@AimeeHelene1: Just watched a guy walk into the wall, because he couldn't decide if he should go left or right. The future of humanity scares me.

@AimeeHelene1: (what they said)
Please do not bring any alcohol on the plane.

(what I heard)
Please chug all alcohol & slap somebody before boarding.

@AimeeHelene1: If Scooby-Doo taught me anything, it's that if you want to kill someone, do it in a retirement community, where pets aren't allowed.

@AimeeHelene1: Being brave is overrated.

Just run away, screaming, like a normal human being.

@AimeeHelene1: I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like "What's your favorite color?" or "Where is your belly button?".

@AimeeHelene1: At 36, I still have no idea what to do with my hands when I'm in front of a group of people.

*hands on hips*
*hands in air*
*does macarena*

@AimeeHelene1: *sips coffee*
*thinks to myself as I walk away*
Carol seems grumpy today...
*takes another sip from Starbucks cup that says "Carol"*