Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AimeeHelene1's best tweets

@AimeeHelene1 : I'm just gonna give this to you...and you feel free to do whatever you like with it. Nooooo pressure... *slides deodorant across the table*

@AimeeHelene1: You break into a petting zoo once, to try and brush a goat's teeth...and all of a sudden you're banned for life.

@AimeeHelene1: Jumping through hoops makes it sound too easy.

It should be something...more like...trudging through quicksand on 2 hours of sleep with a sinus infection.

@AimeeHelene1: I'm just a girl, yodeling at the top of my lungs, until someone agrees to give me this latte for free.

@AimeeHelene1: Me: *screaming*

Him: Are you stuck in your sweater again?

Me: *muffled voice*

@AimeeHelene1: Me: What do you think about that?

Him: *typing*

5 minutes later


@AimeeHelene1: Me: *paddles kayak in circles until someone comes out to help me*
Them: You need some help out here?
Me: Can you bring me a beer?

@AimeeHelene1: The bathroom just ran out of paper towels, so obviously I had to wipe my hands on the next person I passed in the hallway.

@AimeeHelene1: I hate when I go to Subway and they barely put any toppings on.

When I take a bite, I want it to look like I went head to head with a garden, and won.

@AimeeHelene1: *spider falls on my desk*
*pulls fire alarm*
*stands in hallway & points firefighters toward my desk*