Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AllyBallyBeal's best tweets

@AllyBallyBeal : Getting a text message from your ex is like getting a message from Satan on an Ouija board.

@AllyBallyBeal: Guy across the road can't get his truck started. Now he's rolled up his sleeves. That's how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves.

@AllyBallyBeal: Colleague: want some popcorn? Keeps you young and beautiful like me

Me: Really? Looks to me you should've been eating a hell of a lot more

@AllyBallyBeal: Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you'd better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise

@AllyBallyBeal: I tried dusting after five energy drinks now my house is on fire.

@AllyBallyBeal: Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes? That's right - a victim