@AmericanGent69: If someone insults you, the best revenge is to just ignore them and pretend it never bothered you. Although arson works too.

@AmericanGent69: Wife: I think my husband is spying on me.
Friend: You're probably overreacting.
Me: *dressed as a bartender* Can I get you ladies a drink?

@AmericanGent69: My 4 year old niece won't eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.

@AmericanGent69: {on first date}
Waitress: HELP! Is there a Doctor in the restaurant?
Date: Aren't you going to help?
Me: Haha ok well maybe I'm not a Doctor

@AmericanGent69: *lights low
*her fingers tracing a scar on my arm
Her: How'd you get this?
Me: *softly I whisper* Are you familiar with Scrapbooking?

@AmericanGent69: {last supper}
Jesus: This bread is my body. This wine, it is my blood. And this Cadbury egg is filled with my...
Judas: Ok ok that's enough!

@AmericanGent69: Danny Zuko: I got chills, they're multiplying...
Sandy: Gross. You probably have a stomach bug.

@AmericanGent69: My 6 year old came into the bathroom while I was using it to tell me she hates it when the dog comes into the bathroom when she's using it.

@AmericanGent69: Me having sex is like bungee jumping.
It's either amazing, or someone gets seriously injured.
There is no in between.