Funny Tweeter

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Page of AmericanGent69's best tweets

@AmericanGent69 : My 4 year old niece won't eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.

@AmericanGent69: {on first date}
Waitress: HELP! Is there a Doctor in the restaurant?
Date: Aren't you going to help?
Me: Haha ok well maybe I'm not a Doctor

@AmericanGent69: *lights low
*her fingers tracing a scar on my arm
Her: How'd you get this?
Me: *softly I whisper* Are you familiar with Scrapbooking?

@AmericanGent69: {last supper}
Jesus: This bread is my body. This wine, it is my blood. And this Cadbury egg is filled with my...
Judas: Ok ok that's enough!

@AmericanGent69: Danny Zuko: I got chills, they're multiplying...
Sandy: Gross. You probably have a stomach bug.

@AmericanGent69: My 6 year old came into the bathroom while I was using it to tell me she hates it when the dog comes into the bathroom when she's using it.

@AmericanGent69: Me having sex is like bungee jumping.
It's either amazing, or someone gets seriously injured.
There is no in between.

@AmericanGent69: Me: *leads her to bedroom* This is where the magic happens.
Her: Nice
*4 rabbits jump out of a hat as a flower squirts water in her eye

@AmericanGent69: Me: Finally, time to sleep!
Brain: ahem
Me: oh God please no
Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.

@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background
Her: take off my pants
Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.