@AmishPornStar1: *gently releases can of tuna into the ocean*
Go ahead, Little Buddy! You can do this!!!
@AmishPornStar1: *me, getting murdered*
Wife: Could you at least let him take out the garbage first?
@AmishPornStar1: I SHOULDN’T NEED TO BE A GODDAMN COMPUTER SCIENTIST TO SET THE CLOCK ON A COFFEE MAKER!!!
Oh, wait, never mind...I got it.
@AmishPornStar1: According to some "experts" called "doctors"...
You can wake up without a hangover if you don't drink the night before.
@AmishPornStar1: 4th of July Pro Tip: If you're looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.
@AmishPornStar1: Guys, if you waste the opportunity to sing Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" to other fellas at the urinals, you might as well just use a stall.
@AmishPornStar1: Never judge a book by its cover...
Take it to dinner and see how it treats the waitstaff, then judge it.
@AmishPornStar1: Go ahead, make fun of my cargo shorts
But we'll see who's laughing when you need a corkscrew, life raft, pillow or an extra tuna sandwich.