Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : How come cats make the only sexy Halloween costumes? What’s wrong with a sexy llama or a sexy sloth or something?

@AmishPornStar1: Remember back when you thought the movie “Idiocracy” was a satirical comedy instead of a documentary?

@AmishPornStar1: I just got a call from my gym asking me if I want to upgrade to two visits per year.

@AmishPornStar1: “Look, I’m just saying that maybe adding a little vodka might be good for business.”

-me, to these kids running this lemonade stand

@AmishPornStar1: BACK IN OUR DAY, WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY FANCY EPI-PENS!!!

We just died...

AND WE LIKED IT!!!

@AmishPornStar1: All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.

@AmishPornStar1: How come nobody's made an anti-depressant called "Les Miserables"?

@AmishPornStar1: *aliens land in America*

Alien Captain: Take me to your leader!

Me: *heavy sigh* Listen, Bro...this is kind of embarrassing, but...