Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : Never judge a book by its cover... Take it to dinner and see how it treats the waitstaff, then judge it.

@AmishPornStar1: Go ahead, make fun of my cargo shorts

But we'll see who's laughing when you need a corkscrew, life raft, pillow or an extra tuna sandwich.

@AmishPornStar1: My wife's yoga class is really relaxing...

'Cuz she's usually gone for at least two hours.

@AmishPornStar1: I don't know why I always end up behind the old lady who is trying to do a reverse mortgage on her home at the ATM.

@AmishPornStar1: Don't you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?

@AmishPornStar1: *maintains eye contact while slowly putting in ear buds as you're talking to me*

@AmishPornStar1: "Be nice to everyone...

You never know who might have a pool."

-Mahatma Gandhi

@AmishPornStar1: Earth Day...

...another made up holiday by Big Galaxy just to sell more planets!

@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better.

You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.