Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : *learning CPR* CPR dummy: I have a boyfriend.

@AmishPornStar1: How come nobody's made an anti-depressant called "Les Miserables"?

@AmishPornStar1: *aliens land in America*

Alien Captain: Take me to your leader!

Me: *heavy sigh* Listen, Bro...this is kind of embarrassing, but...

@AmishPornStar1: Victoria’s Secret, how may I help you?

Me: Yeah, um, I ordered the girl on page nine, but you guys only sent me her underpants?

@AmishPornStar1: So, apparently, flashing the neighbors at their backyard barbecue doesn't make it a "gender reveal" party.

@AmishPornStar1: I’m sorry I said, “I bet she’s got a great personality,” when you showed me a picture of your baby.

@AmishPornStar1: Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!

@AmishPornStar1: Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?

@AmishPornStar1: If you turn your head back and forth really fast you can see your ears.

@AmishPornStar1: Why yes, Autocorrect, I AM driving to work in a horse-drawn cabbage.