@AmishPornStar1: Remember back when you thought the movie “Idiocracy” was a satirical comedy instead of a documentary?
@AmishPornStar1: I just got a call from my gym asking me if I want to upgrade to two visits per year.
@AmishPornStar1: “Look, I’m just saying that maybe adding a little vodka might be good for business.”
-me, to these kids running this lemonade stand
@AmishPornStar1: BACK IN OUR DAY, WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY FANCY EPI-PENS!!!
We just died...
AND WE LIKED IT!!!
@AmishPornStar1: *aliens land in America*
Alien Captain: Take me to your leader!
Me: *heavy sigh* Listen, Bro...this is kind of embarrassing, but...