@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better.
You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
@AmishPornStar1: It's almost summer and I'm only three stomach flus and a couple tapeworms away from my beach body!!!
@AmishPornStar1: It's important to be comfortable in your own skin...
Because, apparently, it's illegal to wear someone else's.
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.
@AmishPornStar1: Trump assures Abe that he supports Japan 100%!
"I mean, I saw Godzilla like, 7 times!" says Trump.
@AmishPornStar1: If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook...
It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!
@AmishPornStar1: Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?!
Alexa: Hold my beer!!!
@AmishPornStar1: I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.
@AmishPornStar1: See ya later, alligator.
After a while, crocodile.
Catch ya mañana, little iguana.