Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!

@AmishPornStar1: Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?

@AmishPornStar1: If you turn your head back and forth really fast you can see your ears.

@AmishPornStar1: Why yes, Autocorrect, I AM driving to work in a horse-drawn cabbage.

@AmishPornStar1: Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there...

It was the bathroom...but still...

@AmishPornStar1: Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”...

As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.

@AmishPornStar1: Few people realize that before they were domesticated, the wild vacuum cleaner was the only natural predator of wolves...

Hence, dogs instinctive reaction to them today.

@AmishPornStar1: The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.

@AmishPornStar1: Starting to think that having kids just to get some help around the house was a bad idea.