Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : Earth Day... ...another made up holiday by Big Galaxy just to sell more planets!

@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better.

You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.

@AmishPornStar1: It's almost summer and I'm only three stomach flus and a couple tapeworms away from my beach body!!!

@AmishPornStar1: It's important to be comfortable in your own skin...

Because, apparently, it's illegal to wear someone else's.

@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.

@AmishPornStar1: Trump assures Abe that he supports Japan 100%!

"I mean, I saw Godzilla like, 7 times!" says Trump.

@AmishPornStar1: If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook...

It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!

@AmishPornStar1: Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?!

Alexa: Hold my beer!!!

@AmishPornStar1: I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.

@AmishPornStar1: See ya later, alligator.

After a while, crocodile.

Catch ya mañana, little iguana.