@AmishPornStar1: *aliens land in America*
Alien Captain: Take me to your leader!
Me: *heavy sigh* Listen, Bro...this is kind of embarrassing, but...
@AmishPornStar1: Victoria’s Secret, how may I help you?
Me: Yeah, um, I ordered the girl on page nine, but you guys only sent me her underpants?
@AmishPornStar1: So, apparently, flashing the neighbors at their backyard barbecue doesn't make it a "gender reveal" party.
@AmishPornStar1: I’m sorry I said, “I bet she’s got a great personality,” when you showed me a picture of your baby.
@AmishPornStar1: Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!
@AmishPornStar1: Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?