Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AndrewChamings's best tweets

@AndrewChamings : In a coffee shop ask the person next to you to watch your laptop, but don’t leave. Put on netflix and binge spongebob with your new pal.

@AndrewChamings: I told my mum at dinner that my daughter was talking in a made up language and my mum said all languages are made up and I dropped a potato

@AndrewChamings: Dinosaurs prolly have ghosts too, what if there's a diplodocus just standing where your house is right now, bored as shit

@AndrewChamings: [shark tank]
me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i'm out
shark 2: i'm out
hammerhead shark: i'm listening

@AndrewChamings: me: just bear with me

bouncer: yeah no he can’t come in

@AndrewChamings: interviewer: do you feel like you have grown as a person?

me: ok well I was literally like a foot tall when I was born

@AndrewChamings: genie: are you sure?

me: just do it

*my dog winks and gives me a fist bump for the third time*