@AndyAsAdjective: I heard my 7-yr old daughter yell out "Cue the battleship!" in her sleep & now I'm jealous because her dreams are a lot cooler than mine.
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: I love you
ME: I said I love you
HER: sir, I can't give you extra curly fries…please just pay for your order
@AndyAsAdjective: [spelling bee]
your word is 'hors d'oeuvre'
"can you use it in a sentence?"
yes…'I bet this kid can't spell hors d'oeuvre'
@AndyAsAdjective: In a parallel universe somewhere, Bruno Mars is listening to the radio & he’s sick of me being on every channel.
@AndyAsAdjective: It's that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I've been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: we wave at each other just about every morning but I always seem to forget your name…it's Gary, right?
@AndyAsAdjective: I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
@AndyAsAdjective: *walks into room, turns chair around backwards & sits down with arms crossed on it*
hey kids…I'm here to talk about how chairs confuse me